Aeon Poker
by pirate kit
Summary: A masochistic Ifirit, a glorified Shiva, a gambling addicted Youjinbu, and a sarcastic Bahamut meet Vegas. [Chapter 4] Aeon Hide n Seek! :: COMPLETED
1. HIT ME!

Wah! Disclaimer! Disclaimers are everywhere! They are out to get me! AHHHHHH!!!!….. ok, so I disclaim; Kit does not own FFX or the aeons, those Squaresoft ho's '_ownz em'_. Hell, I even borrowed this idea from a friend and wrote it. (Thanks TEN!) But all art spawned from this (which I shall draw) will be mine. It will be fan art! So, if you see those pics at my site, don't steal 'em…. Or I'll send the 'masochist Ifirit' after ya!

Oh, and extra bonus points if you can guess who the character at the very end of the fic is. ^___^ daa! (Note: 'daa' is how I end many of my sentences. Horrible habit, I know, but YOU try to break it!)

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Aeon Poker

7/16/02

Dusk in Las Vegas. The dealers are shuffling, the casinos are heading into full swing, and the real weirdoes come out. Blackjack dealer Kit was stacking the cards, counting off the casino provided decks. And for some reason, her 'dealer sense' was tingling.

"Hmm, trouble's a commin'." She mumbled, ruffling the edges of the cards. And indeed, trouble was coming. Or rather, had come, because at that moment, the roulette table burst into flames and the slot machines froze over.

Two amazingly power characters made their way over to Kit's ill-placed blackjack table. One was the fire aeon, Ifirit, blazing in a rapid inferno. The second was the ice goddess, Shiva, drawing quite a few stares by her clothing (or lack there of). Both aeons took a seat at the table, but on oppose sides of course.

Clearing her throat, and keeping out of the way of both the fiery heat and the numbing cold vapors, Kit tapped the table. "Eh, do…do we have any other players?" No one stepped forward. This was probably because the Ifirit was taking up two seats and Shiva's long tresses were tangled around another. So, dealer Kit began to toss out the cards. Without saying a word, the bets were made, and Kit got her first tremor of the night running down her spine.

Shiva, aeon of ice, showed an eight and a ten face up, giving her a steady 18. She tapped her chin with one long blue finger. "I believe I shall stay." She said, sitting back and languidly crossing one leg. This caused all the men in the area to drool.

"Clean up at the blackjack table. Bring a mop!" Kit yelled to the custodians. "And you…Mr. Ifirit? What is your move?" She winced, watching as the Ifirit's fiery hair ignited the green felt of the table.

The masochistic aeon looked at the cards, fuming silently. He was only showing a three and a four face up, for a measly 7. "HIT ME!" He bellowed, blowing Kit backwards off her stool. After flailing about, the dealer climbed back up to the table, now wearing a flame retardant dealer visor.

"Err, ok. Here's one card then, Mr. Ifirit." She flipped him a card and lunged back as one blazing paw slapped down to pick it up. "Do you….err…wish to continue?" She asked, preparing for his response. But the Ifirit said nothing, he simply ignored the small dealer. "Ah, sir? SIR!" It was attempting to eat ice cream without melting it…and failing miserably. The people at the bar, fortunately, had a few more gallons for him to try with.

Giving up on getting the Ifirit's attention, Kit continued with the game. Looking over her own hand, the dealer was required to take a card as well. After asking, the dealer called. "Ok then, show your cards."

Shiva showed an 18, Kit's hand was a regular 17, and Ifirit…."Um, sir… why didn't you hit again? You only have 9." Kit pointed out.

"HIT ME!!" The Ifirit screamed. Both the dealer and the ice aeon sweatdropped.

Round two: The cards were flipped out with lightning speed only trained Vegas dealers possess, mostly for self-preservation from these two powerful aeons. Shiva showed a nine this time, and the Ifirit had a twenty. Shiva asked to double down, pushing the small-- and now frozen-- chips forward. The Ifirit, on the other hand…

"HIT ME!" He shouted, his breath causing the dealers straight hair to frizz up from the heat. Now normally, sane people never take a hit with 20, but the Ifirit was neither sane nor a person. Unwilling to protest, for fear of being set fire, Kit handed the aeon his card…. With a pair of heat resistant gloves. Shiva warded off the blast of heat from the other aeon's shout with a wall of frost, causing Kit to turn into a dealer-icicle.

The dealer quickly unthawed (in that nearly amazing way's that Vegas dealers seem to be able to survive through anything) and pulled her own card off the pile. And then they showed their hands. Shiva had a 19, but then again so did Kit, so the icy aeon's chips were returned. But the Ifirit…

"Um… Mr Ifirit, sir? Why on earth did you take another card?! You already had 20!" Kit pounded the table. 

But the small dealer's pounding was dwarfed by the fire elemental's fist slamming onto the table, leaving a scorching mark. "HIT ME!!!" He insisted. This time the vibrations from his slam shook Kit right off the table.

And finally, Shiva spoke for the first time that evening. "Fine! You over-bearing, ill-mannered brute! _I'll_ hit you!" And with that, she cast a Diamond Dust upon Ifirit….and the dealer.

"Uhh… pretty-ice-go-weeeee attack." The dealer's teeth chattered as she attempted to dislodge herself from the ice. The ifirit was pretty much a nice frozen block…until he melted and caused a small flood. "Clean up, again, at the blackjack table…" Kit shouted. "Bring a pair of boots!"

After yet ANOTHER exciting round of blackjack, the masochistic aeon of Yuna's seemed to be missing the point of the game. But he did enjoy getting smacked by Shiva, and the goddess liked winning… so they seemed to have an agreement. But the dealer who was in the middle…

"You know, you two may be more suited for poker, daa?" The poor burned, frozen, charred, and wet dealer shuddered. The spectators had mostly cleared out after Ifirit got a little too active in the game and nearly exploded in a fireball. Kit was saved simply because her dealer clothes melted rather than caught fire.

"Poker?" Shiva inquired, flicking her head to one side and causing a tendril of hair to smack into a chair, freezing it.

"HIT ME!" Ifirit yowled.

"No!" Kit panicked, picking up the fire extinguisher and spraying it over the fire aeon. "There is no 'hit me' in poker… it's really easy. We'll play five card stud--,"

"FIRE card stud?" Ifirit growled.

"FIVE! FIVE CARD!" Kit put out a few of the random flames on the table, and then tossed the fire extinguisher aside. After a brief explanation of the rules, the dealer began to shuffle the cards….wearing an all-conditions hazard suit from the heat/cold. But before Kit could actually start dealing, yet more people joined. And another strange player was the aeon called Youjinbu, who had to squeeze beside the Shiva. And the other new player was Bahamut, and the massive dragon took the charred seat next to the Ifirit. Five people (or more like one person and four homicidal aeons), were now playing the game, with Youjinbu betting ungodly amounts of money.

"I'm sorry, I cannot exchange gil for poker chips, slot chips, or US currency… and what the hell is a 'gil' anyway, daa." Kit told the strange Youjinbu. Five cards flew from Kit's hand like five well aimed knives, each sliding to their destined player without putting her in the 'hazard' area. Shiva neatly examined her cards, withdrawing three from her hand and exchanging them. Youjinbu, with a snort, exchanged four and Bahamut turned in one, but looked _very_ angry about it. His horns rammed the Ifirit in the head, causing him to yell.

"HIT ME!" The Ifirit bellowed. Kit smacked her head. "No! Hit _ME_!!" He corrected.

So,…. She did. Kit smacked him with the long cue used to collect the chips. Bahamut snorted, clouds of smoke pouring from his jaws. "This is POKER, not BLACKJACK! There is no 'hit me' in poker. Do you want to exchange some cards?" Bahamut said very slowly, enunciating every word like he was speaking to a child. The Ifirit seemed to get it this time (perhaps it was because the powerful Dragon God was about to strangle him), and looked down at his hands.

"No…." He said softly, a total opposite from deafening the small dealer. The aeons all did a double-take, not use to hearing the fire elemental speak in anything but roars and thunderous yelling.

So the betting increased, starting with a few chips, and somewhere in there, switching to gil (which left the dealer confused). Youjinbu bet 80,000 gil and then raised another 80,000. And Shiva met that bet, and also raised several thousand gil. Bahamut, growling and thrashing his tail, folded from the game with an utter lack of grace. And Ifirit, with almost mindless stupidity, pushed nearly his entire pile of gil forward to meet the current bet, and then raised….one single gil.

"Um, call now?" Kit asked, wanting nothing more than to run screaming from the table, but knowing it would probably get her fired. No, not by her boss, but by the high-strung, easily-excitable fire elemental who would turn her into a crispy critter if she made any sudden moves. The betting had increased to purely insane levels. Youjinbu bet everything, including his dog, and Shiva had taken all the 'silver-thingies' out of her hair to bet with those. Bahamut was lazily blowing smoke rings, and the Ifirit still staring at his cards mindlessly.

"I believe that would be preferable…before 'Youji' over there starts betting his clothes." Shiva smiled, a hint of sarcasm on her voice.

"What?! Hold your tongue! At least I HAVE clothes, Shiva! And it is You-JIN-bu, not 'Youji', not 'You-hoo', and NOT 'Fluffy'!!!" Youjinbu began to shout, which in turn upset the Ifirit.

"HIT ME! HIT ME!" He began to chant mindlessly. Kit passed Bahamut the stick and let him beat the Ifirit a few times with it.

Lifting a large fire extinguisher, the dealer sprayed the (once again) flaming table and the aeons sitting at it. "OK! We are calling now!" She shouted, her eye developing a twitch. "Show yer cards or I'LL BITE YOU ALL!!!" She bellowed, volume threatening to make the ceiling fall in. The aeons froze, exchange a concerned look. Whether the look of worry was for the bite they might receive or for the dealer's rapidly vanishing sanity, I cannot say.

Shiva showed her hand first, revealing a full house of sevens and jacks. It was a high-ranking hand, but Youjinbu began to chuckle as he saw it. So Youjinbu showed his own hand to the table. He had three ten's and two queens, all the same suit. A flush full house, and higher ranking than Shiva's hand. Gloating, Youjinbu sat back and waited for the other's hands. Shiva scowled, pointedly ignoring the other aeon. Bahamut was pretty much ignoring everything.

"Ok, Mr. Ifirit. You can show your hand now." Dealer Kit said, her voice sounding exhausted. She began to push the chips, and gill, and miscellaneous clothes/jewelry towards Youjinbu. After all, Ifirit still though that this was blackjack.

"Ifirit have four aces. Is this good?" The Ifirit laid his hand down, revealing that, indeed, he had all four aces and a queen. Bahamut choked on a fireball and went into a coughing fit. Shiva and most of hell froze over. And Youjinbu went into shock. The delighted fire elemental began to gather the money up. "This good! Now Ifirit can try to eat ice cream all he want!" He rumbled.

The room suddenly tensed. The dealer felt it coming and quickly jumped into a kevlar jacket, a bomb helmet, a firefight's pants, and wore thermal underwear under all of it. And it didn't take very long for something to happen either. Shiva's blue aura began to flare while Youjinbu's swords were out and power was visible. And then it happened. Bahamut sneezed….

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KA-BOOOOOOMMM!!!

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"I swear officer! It was four aeons! The were playing poker!" Ex-dealer Kit gibbered to a police officer. "First they were playing blackjack, and then…. Poker! And then the dragon sneezed and Booom!" She babbled, secure inside her straightjacket. Rubble of the once tall casino was crumbled around the cop and they hystarical girl.

"Four 'aeons', eh?" The cop nearly smirked, but continued to write in his note pad. "And… where did they go?"

Kit's eyes were dilated, and she smelled of burned paper. "They flew off! They turned into little 'sparkle bugs' and went Poof!" At this point, the police office couldn't hold it any longer and snorted, trying to keep the laughter in.

Two large men in white lab coats began to cart the rambling Vegas dealer off. "I swear! Aeons! They are everywhere! They are playing blackjack! HIT ME!" Kit shouted, until she was thrown into the van and driven off.

"Yep, proll'y another case of over-worked employees." The cop chuckling slightly, pulling off the cap and running his hand through his black hair peppered with white streaks. His sunglasses slid the slightest bit lower, revealing a single russet eye. "I've got to tell Yuna about this." He smirked, and headed back towards his car.

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THE END! (HIT ME!)


	2. YOU'RE IT *WHACK!*

Wah! Disclaimer! I am the disclaimer ho! SO! I disclaim; Kit does not own FFX or the aeons. Squaresoft, being the ultimate Godliness they are, owns them. Ten asked (actually…TOLD me) to write this one (Gee…thanks TEN!). But all art spawned from this (which I shall draw) will be mine. It will be fan art! It will be Insanity in Overdrive form! So, if you see those pics at my site, don't steal 'em…. Or I'll send the 'masochist Ifirit' and a 'sarcastic Bahamut' after you, daa!

And like my last chapter, I've 'hidden' two more FFX characters in here. Guess who they are... ^___^ daa! More bonus points can be redeemed. And to answer the question, what do bonus points do? Umm… they sparkle and look pretty.

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Aeon Tag

7/29/02

"I'm an AEON!" Someone screamed, echoing down the long hall of what is commonly called 'the loony bin'. Ex-dealer Kit was now bound into a straitjacket (thus fulfilling her lifelong dream) and drawing on the walls with a piece of chalk between her toes. After the whole 'aeon poker' thing, what little sanity that hadn't been destroyed by the summons was used to draw elaborate wall murals. See, there's one representing the fight of good vs evil. One as a tribute to fallen angles. And one as a warning against playing poker with homicidal, flaming, masochistic aeons….

"Kit have visitor." The large guard said, his white hair falling in front of gold eyes. "Says she's 'Ten'. Does Kit want to see Ten?" He asked, deliberately picking out his words.

"Ok Mr. Lionman! Send her in!" Kit grinning, rolling around on the floor.

The guard sighed. "Name is not 'Lionman'." He rumbled.

"Oh. Sorry Mr. Lionman!" She said, either ignorant or …well… she _was _insane…

So the guard escorted Ten into the rubber room, which caused the once skillful card dealer to roll over to her. "Kit! For Yevon's sake! What happened to you?" Ten asked, tugging Kit to her feet. The ex-dealer turned to stare straight at Ten.

"Aeons…" There was a soft pause. For about 3.5 seconds until Kit shrieked at the top of her lungs. "**HIT ME!**" 

Ten stumbled backwards from shock (and the volume she was able to scream it with), and then carefully reached forward to pat Kit's head. "There there. No aeons here." She said, glancing back at the asylum guard. "And no cards. You'll never have to deal cards again." And to her surprise, Kit deflated with relief, leaning against the wall.

"Thank you! I was so afraid they'd come back!" Kit shuddered. "So… much…. Boom." The blond nutcase shuddered. "Hey Mr. Lionman! I'm all better now!"

The guard looked over his shoulder into the room, his ear twitching with irritation. "Good. Nut can go home." And he went to get the paperwork for Ten to sign.

…….

"Hey Kit. Was it just me… or did he have a tail?"

"I like Cheese!" 

"Never mind…"

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Meanwhile, on another plane, a shapely blue woman was putting silver 'thingies' back into her hair. She huffed indignantly, recalling all the trouble she had to go through to recover her jewelry from the ruined Vegas casino. Oh, Yuna was not happy they had gone out like that, and even less happy about that explosion (which, for the record, was SOOO not her fault).

"That stupid, Ifirit. Ruining all my fun." Shiva sighed. It had been a long time since she had been able to have fun like that. Why, the last time was back when she was just a little aeonling. Ahh, she could remember, days playing 'taunt the mortal' and tag. While Shiva's tastes had refined, she found herself missing those days when she could just let go.

"HIT ME!" was bellowed somewhere nearby, followed by a 'boom' on the super sonic scale, and then a very loud, "THANK YOU!" It sounded like Ifirit and Bahamut were at it again.

Sitting in one of the vast fields of nothingness in their plane, Youjinbu sighed. "Damn, and just when that card game was getting interesting. For a human, you must admit, that Las Vegas casino dealer did keep up with us for a while. I mean, before her utter psychological breakdown." His dog barked.

"Ifirit liked angry Blond." The fire elemental rumbled, a very large lump forming on his head. "She funny and loud."

"And she could catch fire with the best of them." Bahamut stomped up to them, his wings flaring. "Such a shame." His voice was loaded with sarcasm. And a sarcastic Bahamut is probably something you don't want to encounter.

A long pause filled the plane as the aeons waited to be summoned. The Ifirit raised one massive fist and slapped Youjinbu upside the head. "TAG!" he shouted, his breath causing one of Shiva's scarves to catch fire.

"Ow!" Pretty much summed it up. Youjinbu's hat slumping forward over his eyes. "Oh Yevon, not again." The aeon sighed, watching as the Ifirit left large, flaming footprints all over. Shiva covered her eyes in shame of their fellow aeon and Bahamut ignored them all again. 

That is, until "AAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" sounded throughout the plane. Youjinbu tripped over his dog when he jumped to his feet and Bahamut's tail smacked Shiva in the leg (who froze him in return). Seconds later the Ifirit came thrashing back, this time with Valefor latched firmly to his…err….tail side. While the fire elemental may have a masochistic side, having your tail removed by another aeon isn't quite fun. "Off! Off! Bad Valefor! Off!"

Youjinbu grinned. "Good girl, Valefor! You can let go now." And the winged elemental dropped from Ifirit's rear. "What, you just gotta know how to talk to her." Youjinbu shrugged under Shiva's stare, petting Valefor's head. 

But apparently the four aeons weren't the only ones who were bored. Valefor whistled. One of Bahamut's ears twitched. "What? Now _you_ want to go out to the mortal plane too?" He blinked. Valefor whistled in affirmation, and the aeons all exchanged a look. Bahamut heaved a mighty sigh, nearly blowing the Ifirit's head off. "Ok, fine. We'll go, again."

"See crazy Blond again?" Ifirit asked.

"Sure. Why the hell not." Bahamut shrugged. But the Ifirit's eyes had taken on a purely homicidal look.

"HELL FIRE!" He roared, causing all the aeons on the plane to dive for cover as he glowed a menacing red.

Shiva lifted her head from her arms. "BAD, bad Ifirit! No ice cream!"

"Awww…."

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"There! I've signed it all!" Ten sighed, putting the papers back down. Kit was staring at them from eye-level, which means she was on the floor again. "Now can I take the nut home?" She asked the guard. A massive fist picked up one of the sheets as he looked it over.

"All in order. Take nut and go."

"I'll miss you, Mr. Lionman!" Kit shouted as Ten dragged her to the door. 

The guard sweatdropped mightily and swung his 'nut bopping stick' over his shoulder. "There goes one mighty nut." He mumbled.

So Ten, the best friend of crazy-ex-dealer Kit, helped her out of the asylum to freedom. "Um, Ten? You can take off my straitjacket now, daa." Kit said, struggling slightly. Ten merely smirked, leading the 'nut on a leash' to the car. "Ten? Hey?" And of course, she was ignored.

Mainly, this was because of the gaping --almost burning-- red hole that had formed in the air. The two girls watched it for a moment before Kit suffered a slight flashback. "AHHHH!! AEONS!" She yelped, diving under the car until only her feet were visible. Ten blinked, mouthing 'aeons' before looking back at the strange light. So she really didn't know why she was surprised when a giant Ifirit came bounding out on all fours, like some sort of flaming 'puppy', in Kit's crazy words.

"Crazy Blond!" The Ifirit bellowed, searching for someone. Another aeon stepped out from the portal, glancing around the parking lot. This one was what Kit (in her 'nut' form) would call an 'air puppy'. It was a giant winged bird, with strange crests. Valefor gave a low whistle and began to flutter about, happy to be out of the other plane.

And with an almost astounding flare of power, three more stepped through, fighting of who would be next. The aeon at the front of the group was Shiva, followed by a pushing Bahamut and then Youjinbu (and his dog). Ten's mouth fell open and she pointed right at them.

"A…ae…aeons!" She gasped.

"Oh, remarkable grasp of the obvious she has there." Bahamut said sarcastically, earning a jab in the abdomen from Shiva.

"HIT HIM!" Ifirit commanded, but instead earned himself a whap upside the head by a flying shoe. Now shoes generally don't jump up and fly around until they hit someone, so he came to the conclusion it had been throw. Now he just needed to ask by who. Shuffling over to a car, he stopped by another shoe that looked like it's match and a sock that had a face drawn on it like a puppet. Of course, to the Ifirit, this sock puppet probably knew who threw the shoe.

"SOCK!" he bellowed in his most polite tone. "Ifirit looking for Crazy Blond and Shoe Throwing Nut. You seen?" Sock vanished under the car and the other shoe began to follow. Giving up on Sock and Shoe, Ifirit went to question the other human, the one staring at them in shock, wonder, and possible confusion on how Shiva got her clothes do to that.

Ten turned quickly to see the massive Ifirit looming above her, but for all her credit, she didn't bat an eye. After all, she'd seen Kit BC…Before Coffee… "You seen Crazy Blond or Shoe Throwing Nut?" He boomed. Now volumes of this level Ten had also come across, mostly at concerts or while sitting in what used to be known as the Ghetto Mobile. 

But it was the question that threw her. "Crazy Blonds? The worlds full of 'em!" She waved her hand, making her way over to the car Kit had vanished under. "Shoe throwing nuts…they're a bit harder to come by. But here's one!" Grabbing onto the back of the straitjacket, Ten gave a mighty tug. And behold, there was the Crazy Blond Shoe Throwing Nut…er… I mean, Kit!

The Ifirit lumbered closer, leaning slightly over the now twitching 'crazy blond'. One of his giant hands came down, patting her on the head. Kit looked up, mildly confused and slightly nervous. And then *~WHACK~* "YOU IT!" And then he bolted.

@_#… "ow." Pretty much summed it up nicely. Kit rubbed her new black eye… with her foot…

"I think he likes you." Ten smirked.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" The pained expression on Kit's face vanished and she launched herself out of Ten's grasp to cling to Valefor. Well, more like 'lean heavily' on Valefor. After all, she was still in the straitjacket. But Valefor whistled shrilly, diving away.

"Haha! Valefor's 'it'!" Youjinbu smirked, which was barely visible under his large hat. And with that, the aeons scattered, leaving two bewildered humans sitting on the ground.

Kit whimpered, shuffling up to Ten and leaning against her legs. "Ten. What just happened?" 

Pushing her auburn hair back and smirking, Ten responded, "Tag."

"Are we all gonna die?" Kit watched as Valefor tried to catch Youjinbu (or his dog).

"Well, knowing your luck, _you're _not going to die." Ten stood up Kit, rather than see her use her face to get off the ground. "Just probably get severally maimed or have another mental breakdown."

"WEEEEE!" Kit squealed. And then ran off to hide.

Apparently Valefor gave up on Youjinbu, deciding Shiva was a much more interesting target. The winged aeon swooped low, her taloned feet colliding with the ice elemental's shoulder. Valefor whistled, twirling to the ground and running off. Shiva stopped, crossing her arms as sighing.

"Well, that's fine with me. We're playing freeze tag now." The blue summon grazed her hand over her hair. Then she cleared her throat. "Oh my Yevon! My top came free!" She shouted. Five heads popped up (and a sock) from their hiding spots. Almost flying across the ground, Shiva swung her hand out, catching Youjinbu with a blizzaga. "You're 'it'." She nearly purred, then walked off. After all, no tag backs.

Youjinbu took a moment to unfreeze from Shiva's 'oh-so-nice' blizzagra. Of course, he had some help from the Ifirit. The human they call 'Card Dealer' or 'Crazy Blond' suddenly bolted out in front of him, trying to get to a new hiding spot. Her sanity obviously taxed, and yelling "HIT ME!". And this was the call of the Ifirit, so the fire summon sent a very large fira in Kit's direction (which she clumsily dodged). The blast of fire instead crashed into the ice statue that was Youjinbu. 

So a partially frozen, burned, and very stiff Youjinbu shuffles after the last person he saw run past; Kit. The nutcase had a feeling this would happen, so she was conveniently using Ten to hide behind. The cinnamon-haired human glared at Kit, and then with a smirk, shoved her out of her hiding spot. Unable to use her hands to balance herself (since she was still bound in the straitjacket), Kit nosedived straight into the dirt.

Sweatdropping, Youjinbu looked down at his dog. "I'll let you handle this." He sighed, tagging the dog to make him it. The dog nodded, and then bolted for Kit, his tongue lolling out.

But before he got there, Kit pulled herself to a kneeling position and was glaring madly at the dog. "I'LL BITE YOU! I SWEAR I WILL!" She growled, grinning wide enough to show _all_ her teeth. The large dog came to a skidding halt, staring at the bristling blond with confusion. He vaguely remembered that she had said that right before she went nuts. Deciding that getting bit by a nutcase wasn't high on his priority list, he changed directions and headed for the human she had been hiding behind. Brushing into Ten's legs, he barked, stating that she was now 'it'. She sighed, brushed a long strand of brown hair back, and set off.

So a new chase began, the Aeons nimbly dodging swipes from each other and the humans (or in Kit's case, one of her feet). Somehow, Ten managed to tag the Ifirit and only got charred in return. The giant flaming elemental summon turned and pounced on the first person he came across, his hand tagging out.

"Kyaa! Pervert!" A female voice shouted, followed by a loud slap. Shiva growled, arms crossed protectively over her chest. Ten was snickering. Yet more tags were exclaimed, one of them giving Ten a strange handprint across her backside (which made her punch Youjinbu). Of course, the Ifirit was once again it, seeming to not understand the finer art of 'evasion'.

The Ifirit stomped around the parking lot, looking for one of the other aeons. Turning about, he noticed Bahamut sitting on a blue Caravan, crushing it like a trash compactor. With a rather homicidal grin, Ifirit also noticed that Kit was hiding behind Bahamut in the tangle of his wings. She was chewing on her jacket. If he played his hand right, he could tag both.

Charging forward with the power of a large flock of chocobo (or possibly a team of _very_ maniacal blitzballers), the Ifirit roared as he approached the lord of the aeons. But Bahamut snapped his head around, fixing an angry ruby glare upon him. Now the little common sense that the Ifirit possessed came into play and he screeched to a halt.

"AEONS! AAAHHHHH!" Kit suddenly yelped, suffering from yet another flashback as Ifirit charged. And with that, she jumped up and wrapped her newly freed arms around Bahamut's head and eyes and clung to him.

The large dragon summon sprung to his feet, shaking his head. "Get off me, mortal!" He boomed, wings flaring. But the nutcase simply clung on, babbling incoherently. Bahamut slammed forward, bowling into the Ifirit in an attempt to get Kit off. It failed. The Ifirit was knocked into the ground, creating a small crater (or a large hole).

"AAARRHH!" Bahamut roared, his tail overturning a row of cars with a sonic wave. "You nutcase! How did you get out of that jacket anyway! Get off there!" He thrashed, crushing a volkswagon bug with one foot.

"I chewed it! Kit have very sharp teeth!" Kit howled, then grinned maniacally, her long straitjacket sleeves hanging in front of his eyes.

Shiva shuddered. "It's like a mini form of Anima." Then she snagged Ten off the ground to prevent the human from becoming what aeons liked calling 'a meat pancake' as Bahamut's foot smashed down. Valefor, already airborne, watched the scene below.

"GODZILLA ATTACK!" Kit shouted as Bahamut crushed yet another car. "Run! Run for your lives! Godzilla!….. RRAAAARRRWWW!!" Youjinbu sweatdropped as Kit took the role of acting out both 'Godzilla's lines, and the frightened aeons. Bahamut stepped on a motorcycle "Ohh! That was a shiny one." She noted as the aeon continued his rampage, trying to get the human off.

The other aeons, and the human, watched from a tall pile of now destroyed cars. "Wow." Youjinbu murmured. Valefor whistled.

There was an awkward pause. "Is your friend…always like this?" Shiva asked.

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KA-BOOOOM! *RUMBLE*

"BWHAHAAA! I'm an aeon!" A lunatic, shrill voice shrieked.

"Well…," Ten paused. "Would you believe she 'just got better'?" There was a dull stare from the other three aeons.

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CRUNCH! *WHACK*

Sweatdropping, Ten rubbed the back of her head. "Ok, yes, she's always been like this. She'll only behave for a paycheck. That's why she was at the casino."

"MEGA FLARE!" Bahamut shouted, and everything around them became a dazzling white.

"Weeee! HIT ME!" Two voices shouted, before being engulfed with the attack.

***************************************************************

There was a knock at the asylum door, which the large guard went to answer. For the past hour, what sounded like World War III raged outside, and no sane person was about to see what is was. (But the fact that the guard was probably the only sane person in the building really didn't matter). One of his gigantic hands unlatched the door and he tugged it open. But what he saw surprised him to the very limits.

Standing at the door was a heavily muscled red head --the driver of the vans the asylum used-- holding two girls. One of them was someone the guard was praying he'd never see again. It was Kit, and she was giggling madly, both of her eyes blackened and her clothes scorched. The other was the person who had checked the nutcase out earlier. It was Ten, and she was trembling in the red-head's grasp, fingers buried into his shirt. She had several small bruises on her, and her hair was a frozen in some places.

"Got two girls for you, ya." The red-headed watchman said. "They were in the parking lot and it looks like a _battlezone_ out there, ya." He laughed. Ten snapped her glare to him, frowning. Kit giggled, and then screamed 'I'm an aeon!'.

The asylum guard leaned down, his white hair falling forward again. "Not expect to see this nut again." He said to Kit. The blond nutcase grinned, flashing all her teeth, and then began to claim she was an aeon again. "Insanity must be contagious, her friend got it too."

"Can I stay here for a bit?" Ten asked. "You know, just to make sure Kit is safe….and I'm safe… and there are no large….flaming….aeons." Ten's eyes began to glaze over and she shivered as the guard helped her into a straitjacket. "Hey, then can I stay with _you _for a bit?" She leered at the red-headed driver, who now looked distinctly uncomfortable. Kit looked blissfully happy from within her own chewed, burned straitjacket.

Ten was still latched to his side, her head leaning against his arm and a smirk faintly visible on her lips. The red head's face was reddening slightly as he handed the two girls over to the asylum worker and then wiped his nose. "The policeman out there says they were ranting about 'aeons' and 'tag' this time, ya." He looked at the guard.

Hoisting both of the girls to their feet, the loonie bin guard ruffled his blue fur slightly. "Yes. Yuna will want to know about this. Two nuts attract much trouble." He rumbled, and then escorted the girls inside.

"Bai bai, Wan-chan!" Ten smiled at the red-head, her long hair falling over her shoulders.

"My name is not 'Wan-chan', ya!" He sighed.

"Oh… sorry, Wan-chan! Love ya, bai bai!" Ten grinned, finally being dragged back into her room. The burly driver watched in amazement as she was escorted down the hall.

"Mr. Lionman!" Kit's voice echoed down the hall as she greeted the guard and the other patients.

****************************************************************

Meanwhile, in another plane.

"OW!" Shiva winced, pulling out splinters from her flawless blue skin. "Bahamut." She warned, in a low voice. "Next time you are trying to dislodge a human, please… REFRAIN FROM GOING OVERDRIVE!" She yelled. 

Ifirit was unconscious, but looked very happy about it. Youjinbu's favorite hat had been totally destroyed, and Valefor's whistles sounded a little flat.

"Let us never speak of this again." The dragon lord mumbled, rubbing a large lump on his own head.

"Humans…. They are out to get Ifirit!" The Ifirit shuddered from his sleep. "Weeee!" He said, similar to Kit's high pitched cry. The aeons all looked at him with wide eyes.

"Does anyone know where we can get a straitjacket large enough to fit him?" Shiva called out.

The End **(YOU'RE IT!)**


	3. Aeon Olympics!

WHAT?! Another Aeon fic? I have aeons on the brain, daaa.  
Ifrit: On brain? ::looks::  
Kit: Not LITERALLY… ow! Get off my head!  
Ifrit: Now have aeons on brain!

Disclaimer time (in song form)   
**Kit brings you all this aeon story,   
It's fun and weird and not real gory!   
Kit write it all but don't get pay.  
Fiddley-ai diddly-ai….. yeah!**   
SO! I disclaim; Kit does not own FFX or the aeons. Squaresoft, being the ultimate Godliness they are, owns them. Ten owns herself (an me) and Mariko owns herself (but is also owned by Ten). 

And like my other aeon fics, I've 'hidden' two more FFX characters in here. Guess who they are... it's really not that hard, daa! Bonus points can be exchanged for purple monkeys and Sinspawn. And now I promise, this IS the last fic… and I don't care if I 'missed' a character, I'm not writing anymore!

* * *

****

The Aeon Olympics

1/26/03

"She runs to the twenty! The fifteen! The ten! The five! Back to the ten to pick up the ball! The five! AND TOUCHDOWN!" A female voice bellowed in an attempted to pull off a man's voice. "And give the dog a bone! This lil girl made it home!" And thus began and impromptu 'goal' dance. Of course, dancing without using your arms is rather difficult. Then again, so is carrying a ball. That is why this girl carried it tucked under her chin and chest.

It was a normal day (if you are allowed to use that word) in the asylum. Two of the inmates were playing something that came fairly close to 'Calvin Ball'. No rules… and most of the time no ball, since they were in straitjackets.

"Double letter bonus! Score is now Xu to 56!" Another 'nutcase' shouted, ramming the smaller blond into the padded wall. 

Climbing back to her feet after being body checked, the crazy blond whined. "Teee~n! Why are we still here? Aren't we 'cured' yet?" She made the little quotation signs with her toes, a neat trick when you have stubby feet.

"Kit, what did I tell you about whining?" Ten looked down, trying to seem imposing, but while tucked in the straightjacket she just looked rather silly.

A few moments passed while Kit was in thought. "Was that the thing about not teasing large dragon gods?"

"NO! That was don't attack/glomp them." The brunette shook her head.

"Oh, so then was it the thing about keeping my voice down and not going 'WEEEEEE' in a really high pitched tone?" Kit asked seriously, and of course, went 'weee' in a really high pitched tone.

Ten shook her head, sighing. "Never mind." She glared at Kit, who was grinning widely. "You wouldn't learn your lesson if it bit you in the ass." And surprisingly, Ten thanked Shiva that Bahamut _didn't_ bite Kit in the ass… he probably would have caught the insanity or something.

Kit seemed to take offense, but any witty repartee was lost when the door swung open. The day guard for the asylum stepped in, looking the two nutcases over. The room was a mess, stuffing ripped from the walls, fragments of chalk powdered everything, and the remains of pieces of paper littered the floor. Rubbing her head, the guard began to escort them outside for their daily sunshine time.

"Hey! I burn easily!" Ten reminded the guard. "Do you have sunscreen, that red-headed driver guy --Wan-chan!-- and twenty cabana boys to put it on?"

"Kit likes Lionman! Lionman should take Kit outside." Kit shouted.

The female guard sighed, thinking she was not paid enough. "Mr. 'Lionman' and 'Wan-chan', along with every other male guard, wouldn't take you two outside for all the money in the world, not after the 'aeon' insanity you two have."

"AAAHHHHH!! AEONS!" Kit squealed, clinging to the door with her feet and refusing to let go. The guard mentally kicked herself (and then Ten kicked her) and tried to pry Kit off the door.

************************************************************

Meanwhile, in another plane, not too far away.

The aeons were resting up after a rather fierce battle. Yuna had called on many of them to help fight some Sinspawn, leaving them tired and bored. But the tiredness factor was mostly from the fact they desperately wanted something to do. 

Valfor seemed to be plucking her feathers in boredom, and Shiva's hair had never been so brushed out before. Youjinbu taught his dog to play dead, fetch fiends, and file tax returns. Bahamut was slowly practicing cooking rotisserie style chocobo. And of course, the Ifrit…..

"WEEEEE!" A giant gout of flames burst forth from the area that the Ifrit claimed. To all the other aeons, 'there be pyro country'. The aeons all winced at the deafeningly loud, and high pitched, 'weee' than the Ifrit had just bellowed.

Grinding his teeth, Youjinbu stared at Bahamut. "Isn't there anything we can do to shut him up?" He rubbed his head, dulling a forming migraine.

"Do YOU want to bring him to visit Anima or the Magus sisters again?" Bahamut snorted, glaring at the bodyguard from the corner of his eye. Youjinbu shuddered. Anima was truly nuts, and seemed to be as large of a masochist as the Ifrit and as insane as the human Kit (which was a really bad combination). But the Magus sisters…..Youjinbu shuttered again, this time with true fear. The last time he had met with them, they made off with his hat, jacket, and pants, and then commenced flirting until he felt physically ill. Which, to an aeon, was impossible since they lacked true physical bodies.

"What about mortals?" Shiva asked calmly, resting the brush in midair. "They did do a fairly average job of amusing us." She tossed her head and looked about like she owned everything. Correction: She _did_ own everything, but she was looking about like she was trying to decide what to do with it.

"Crazy blond?" Ifrit rumbled, lumbering over to the group.

"Yes, whatever happened to that Kit-mortal? And her human counterpart, the number girl…Ten." Shiva asked.

Youjinbu tugged on the brim of his hat. "Her little mind was destroyed...just like my hat. And dammit, they're hard to replace."

"Mortal-minds?"

"No, my hat."

********************************************************************

The asylum guards were on their hour break, trying not to go insane themselves. It was a slow time, few people seemed to be going mad, and the inmates were actually getting better. 

"I'M A WAFFLE!" Well… most of the inmates.

"SHADDUP MONKEY!" Another voice bellowed.

"I'M A MONKEY!" And the ironic part was the two feuding voices were in the same cell. If the door were to be opened, the opener would probably fall deaf. The guards all made their way to the opposite side of the building, trying to get as many stone walls between them and the shouting girls.

A dull red light began to illuminate the cell, and quickly distracted the yelling match. Kit and Ten watched with amazement as the red light formed into a void. Kit had chewed Ten free from her straitjacket and was nibbling on her own when the light formed. Even with her mouth full, her hands still tied, and nearly face first into the floor, Kit still identified the light's source. 

"I'M AN AEON! AAAAEOOON!" She shrieked. Then jumping to her feet, she began to stomp around the room roaring like a mini-Bahamut. So when the real thing stepped into the room, he was greeted by a 'micro godzilla'. Her greeting consisted of something akin to a 'I'm-gonna-chew-yer-leg-off' hello.

"Ok, what's this, and why is she latched to my ankle?" The dragon god growled, trying to shake the vicious attack-Kit off his leg.

The Ifrit passed through the portal, and lowered down to stare at the small multicolored shape attached to Bahamut's leg. "CRAZY BLOND!" He bellowed. And since the guards were on the other end of the asylum, they passed it off as another wild yelling fit from the crazy duo.

"FIRE PUPPY!" Kit squealed, releasing Bahamut's leg to cling to Ifrit with her newly freed arms.

Ten looked from giant flaming elemental to small, psychotic human. "Birds of a freakin' feather, I suppose." And then with a grin, she turned to face Shiva. "Shiva! You've come to save us, or break us out of here … and stuff?"

Tossing her blue hair behind her in one fluid movement, the smallest hint of a smile spread over her lips. "We are bored. You humans are interesting. Therefore we declare you free."

"Does that mean we are sane?" Kit asked, climbing to Ifrit's shoulders to sit.

"Don't push it." Shiva responded. Wiping her hand out in front of her, the doors clicked open, allowing the two humans freedom. But before the girls could saunter out of it, an aeon picked them up (well, Kit was already on the Ifrit, but Shiva nabbed Ten by the loose fringe of the jacket). "That's just for image to let the guards think you left that way. We're taking the fast way out?"

"Boom?" Ifrit asked.

Speaking to him like a small, homicidal child, Shiva chided him. "No, dear. If we make a 'boom', that would make the guards come, and then lady Yuna would find out, and you know what that means."

Youjinbu, silent until now, twitched. "We get put in the same plane as the Magus Sisters to 'save space'." The aeons prepared to leave, and then vanished with a swirl of pyreflies. Or as Kit liked to call them, 'sparkle bugs'. The sudden silence caused by the distinct lack of nutcases caused the guards to come running, in fear they had finally killed themselves. When they found the door wide open, and both girls missing (with only the message 'So long suckers' and 'WE LUV LIONMAN!' scrawled on the floor in permanent marker) they realized perhaps it was a good time to start drinking…

The aeons fizzled back into reality not too far away, in a large stadium of the local high school. The first thing they did was commenced ripping large chunks of grass out of the football field to read 'Aeon Olympics' (which would piss the hell out of ground keeping in the morning). Once the field was set, the two humans began to think up events.

"Bowling!" Kit growled. "That's not an Olympic event, that's a Sophomore event! Anyone with arms can bowl! My little sister can hit strikes by pushing her ball down the lane!" Her rant was interrupted by a single smack upside the head.

"Ok, how about fencing?" Ten suggested, trying to ignore the insanely happy grin from Kit at the suggestion. "Aeons only." She clarified, watching as the blond sighed in disappointment. 

"That's all fine and… olympic-y. But Youjinbu is the only one with a sword." Bahamut reminded her, tail lashing across the ground. "That, and I'd say he would charge us an arm, leg, and half a tail to borrow a sword from him."

"Spoil sport." Youjinbu pouted.

"JAVELIN!" Ifrit bellowed, the shockwave knocking Ten and Kit over.

After recovering their hearing, and donning fire resistant jackets, Ten turned to Kit. "When did he learn about actual olympic events?"

"Involves pointy things, daa. Homicidal version 'Master Card' basically." Kit noted. Ten nodded, eyes darting about for a proper javelin to use. Shiva helped Ten out and produced several icicles about five feet long. The humans fumbled under the freezing cold, pointy instruments as they tried to get an icicle to each aeon. Ifrit seemed to have the problem of continuously melting his.

Sitting on the newly renovated field with a clipboard in hand, Kit began the event. "Ok, you know what to do. Heave that sucker like a sophomore!" She encouraged. The aeons gave her a strange look and threw their icicle lances down the field where Ten was marking the distances on the grass.

The first javelin stuck into the ground a few feet from Ten. "Hey! Who threw that?" She demanded. The next two javelins jabbed to her left and behind , pinning her long coat to the ground. "….I'm gonna die." She shivered, looking up as the last javelin came hurtling her way. Ten squealed and covered her head with her hands, "Please, I'm not ready to die yet! I still haven't completed my collection of yaoi doujinshi, or seen Wan-chan in a Speedo, or thrown Kit down the stairs….wait…I did that last week." Ten's rambling cut short when she realized she wasn't a skewered-nut yet. Looking up, she saw Youjinbu's hound playing what looked like a very dangerous game of fetch, continuously catching and retrieving his lance.

"Bad dog! Bad, bad dog!" Youjinbu scolded, shaking one large finger at the dog. The large puppy dropped the javelin and laid on the grass whimpering. Looking in both directions, Youjinbu quickly knelt down and apologized quickly to the dog. The winner of the event was Bahamut though, his javelin was the one that pinned Ten to the grass by her coat. Shiva was a close second, probably using her icy abilities to heave the lance further. Valfor did surprisingly well for not having an opposable thumb, and Ifrit…well… pieces of his made it to the 30 foot mark. Bahamut was declared the winner and given sole gloating rights on 'flinging stuff'.

Of course, no Olympics have ever been known to be quiet. All the hooting, and air horns, and cheering, and exploding of stuff had alerted a nearby human. The small mortal walked into the stadium carrying a mag-light, a ball bat, and a pair of emergency pants. You never know just WHEN you'll need emergency pants (let that be a lesson to all of you). At the sight of five aeons, and a strange dog running around the field, the blond stranger paled, yipped, and took cover yelling about Armageddon.

Yet, credit to her hearing, anything and everything that has to do with the Armageddon attracts Kit's attention. Like paperclips to a magnet, or was it 'paperclips to a midget'… ah, it doesn't matter. Kit shot one hand out and pointed in the direction of the yell. Ten whipped her head around, suspecting they had been discovered. But what neither of them was counting on was the fact they knew the stranger.

"Maaaa~riko!" Kit squealed, waving spastically.

"Ma-chan!" Ten called, waving Mariko over. "Come over here! We need another judge!"

Mariko, wielding her mag-light like a club, carefully entered the center of the field. The aeons gave her a side glance at their discretion. Kit bounced about like Valfor on a windy day and Ten quickly linked her arm with Mariko's. The confused golden-blond newcomer looked about the field as if the end of the world was approaching. She could almost feel it, getting closer…and closer…

"'NOTHER CRAZY BLOND!" Ifrit boomed from behind the three humans, causing them to jump. "YOU'RE IT!" He raised one paw to smack Mariko; his version of the human ritual of shaking hands. Bahamut quickly shoved him aside, causing Ifrit to knock over a light pole. The dragon god looked down at the small human, giving her scrutiny, but also shielding them from any 'boom' the Ifrit may feel obligated to give them.

"Eh, Mr. … Bahamut, sir?" Mariko started, raising one finger. Bahamut knocked his head to the side slightly, peering down at her. "Your tail is on fire." Kit jumped up and quickly began putting his tail out… with her feet. The dragon yelped and jerked his tail out of her stomping range. Fortunately, the fire was put out and Kit's short …short… *you know, ADD* ah! Attention span… her short attention span kicked in.

"Hey! A shotput!" Kit pointed. Laying in the grass was a round, heavy looking object. 

After a brief pause, Youjinbu pointed out the obvious. "Aren't shotputs suppose to be… black, and not brown? And…not fuzzy?" This caused all the aeons to flinch.

"It's a … muffin." Ten poked the object with an icicle lance. The muffin also was very, _very_ stale. Ten crouched down and picked it up, declaring it fit for throwing. That is, until she dropped it on her foot and yelped in pain. The swearing was quiet spectacular, the aeons awarding her a perfect 10 in that section. Mariko jumped to Ten's defense, glaring at the muffin. This caused Valfor to quickly side up beside the long-haired blond and growl at the stale muffin. The muffing was not afraid.

So instead, Kit tried an insult. "Your momma was a bagel!" 

The stale muffin did not react. Mariko kicked it with her heavy boots. The muffin flew through the air, but did not defend its self. Bahamut caught the rock hard bread product and attempted to crush it in one monstrous fist, but failed. Tossing the muffin from hand to hand, Bahamut came up with an idea. He turned to Ifrit, who was watching curiously.

"Here you go boy! Fetch!" Bahamut's laugh rumbled as he teased Ifrit with a shotput, then lobbed it through the stadium. And then to everyone's horror, the Ifrit ran after it like a large, deranged 'fire puppy'.

*SMACK!* ,

"There he goes catching things with his face again." Shiva sighed.

**********************************************************************

Recovering from the vicious attack muffin, the aeons assembled for their next event. Ifrit was being treated by Kit and Shiva. The small blond was teasing the powerful icy aeon, and the now ticked Shiva was attempting to cast blizzard upon the girl. After every attack, Kit would dodge, letting the Ifrit take the full brunt of the icy blast, acting as a kind of industrial ice pack.

Looking at her clipboard, Ten read over the events. The first one was the 100-meter dash. Raising her eyes up to the enormous aeons, Mariko told Ten to scratch that one off the list. A few of Bahamut's normal sized steps would cover 100 meters. Next on the list, high jump. Shrugging, Ten simply thought 'why not.'

Two seconds later she would learn why. When both Bahamut and Ifrit jumped, it created small quakes. Valfor just flew over the high jump bar, and Shiva gracefully arched over it in a fluid motion that Ten almost didn't see. Youjimbu flat out refused, claiming his hat would be crushed, and instead threw his dog over the bar and demanded they judge the hound.

Shiva had cleared the 25-foot jump with grace that seemed to demand bonus points, and Youjinbu threw his dog well past the 50-foot jump line. Bahamut's tail knocked down the beam after he cleared it and poor Ifrit had collided with the high jump bar as well…with his face. Deciding to eliminate Valfor, for flying over the bar instead of jumping, Kit and Ten proclaimed Shiva the winner, but gave Youjinbu honorable mention (which included a 'WEEE' and something related to 'hey, nice ass'.) 

Mariko awarded the trophy, a large spray painted shoe. "Shiva, as judges for Aeon Olympics (patent pending), we award you your prize. You rock!" The blond gave a rather monotone sounding 'you rock' and passed the shoe over.

"Err… I thank you." Shiva picked up the shoe daintily with two fingers and winced at it. It was spray painted an awfully nice color though. And at this she bowed to the girls, which caused quite an amount of cleavage to expose itself. Ten covered Mariko's eyes, Kit went stiff, Bahamut began to cough and Youjinbu turned a shade of red that put the Ifrit to shame. (Oh, the Ifrit wasn't paying attention. He was trying to eat the shoe trophy.)

Bahamut's coughing grew worse until it became obvious he was choking, hand pounding on his chest. Youjimbu walked calmly up, doubled his hands up and smacked the dragon lord in the center of the back. A fireball came free with a 'pop' and fried Ifrit. The smoking, fire elemental grinned before walking off.

"Thanks Youjinbu." Bahamut coughed.

"No problem. That will be 250,000 gil." 

"WHAAAT!?" Another explosion followed, this one voluntary, and gil rained from the sky as Youjinbu's money pouch exploded (along with the swordy aeon).

Valfor was konked on the head with a silver dollar, knocking her senseless, while Mariko took cover under the air Aeon's wings. Kit, on the other hand, was pelted with the smaller gil repeatedly. This brought back bad flashes of her failed 'candy-gram' attempt. And in her moment of flashback, she began to sing 'Who let the Dogs out' while dodging the rest of the flying coins.

On the other side of the field, the 'Olympics' were continuing. Shiva was being judged uneven bars. Ten was the judge, wearing a paper hat made from newsprint on her head that read 'GUDGE' (spelling is not required for insane nutcases). "Ok! The contestant may begin! Points will be awarded on the creative landing." Ten smiled, forming a triangle with her fingers. Shiva gave an equally haughty smile and climbed onto the bars. Shiva's display was quite nice, besides for freezing the bars repeatedly. The ice aeon spiraled, looped over the top, and showed just how agile she was. And finally came the dismount.

Flipping her right hand over her head and off the bar, Shiva gained power and soared over the lower bar. Twisting about, her feet connected solidly with the ground and she raised her hands up in a 'victory' landing. Ten's jaw was hanging open and the newly bruised (and exploded) Youjinbu was gawking. Armed with a permanent marker and a chunk of cardboard, Ten quickly scribbled out on it.

"Yes…yes I did say I'd give you points for 'creativity'." Ten said, sounding rather dazed. Then she held up the cardboard score card with 10.1 written on it. Mariko looked at Bahamut in confusion and then at the '10.1', but couldn't make eye contact with the dragon god that loomed over her. Kit blinked… then blinked again, and finally began flapping her wrists about in panic as if she was a hummingbird.

"Um, Shiva-dear." Bahamut cleared his throat, covering the eyes of Valfor, Mariko and Kit with his wings. "You may with to check your… you have….err…. slippage." He gestured at his chest with his free hand. Shiva glanced downwards.

"Oh. So I do." Shiva said calmly, fixing the problem. 

"Have you no shame, woman?!" Youjinbu stuttered, steam visible from under the brim of his oversized hat.

Shiva tossed her hair and gave him a level glance that simply said, 'I own the world, your dog, and everything else on it. What is this concept of shame?' The fact that Shiva could say all of that in once glance only proved her point. The icy summons went on to her next event, leaving Youjinbu a rather odd shade of red from embarrassment and anger. Youjinbu's dog, wearing a multicolored flag that proclaimed "Aeon Olympics", walked up to his master and nudged him to the next event.

After having done the javelin toss, high jump, uneven bars, and what appeared to be the shotput event using stale muffins, the Aeons were almost out of events. But, of course, the key word there is 'almost'. Kit, Mariko, and Ten formed a group huddle beneath Valfor's wings.

"Well, what kind of 'sporty' events are there left?" Mariko leaned forward, keeping her voice low.

"Battleship?" Kit tipped her head to the side, confused. Ten carefully reached up and smacked the blond on the back of the head. With a yip, Kit rubbed the offending lump on her head. "How about Calvin Ball?" A silence fell over the group.

"Ow! Owow!" Ifrit rubbed his head, starting at what had just hit him. "Bahamut! Silences are falling on Ifrit again!" Bahamut snorted a cloud of dense smoke. The aeons looked over at the group of humans, still holding a powwow under Valfor's wings. The air aeon's wings twitched sporadically, showing that whatever they were talking about it was interesting. After a brief, yet fierce discussion which involved WEEE used repeatedly, the girls broke from their group. Kit ran off squealing 'doom' while Ten and Mariko approached the Aeons.

Keeping formal faces, they began to inform the aeons of their plan. "Ok, in order to decide which among you is the best, we've decided to put you to the ultimate challenge. A challenge so devious, you need an iron will just to succeed. A challenge so difficult, no adult human has ever done it. A challenge…aww.. hell, too much suspense. You are all gonna play Calvin Ball!" At this point, Kit returned carrying what can only be described as 'a shit load of balls'. She had volley balls, tennis balls, basket balls, croquet balls, badminton balls, ping pong balls, and even a football that looked like Valfor had been chewing on it. Tossing the balls to the ground in front of the aeons, she smiled happily and handed each of them a croquet mallet (making careful sure that Ifrit wasn't going to eat/set fire to his).

Rules were explained: there were no rules, but you couldn't do anything twice. The humans wisely refused to play the game with the aeons, choosing rather to be spectators or a cheering section. Ten held up a piece of cardboard that read, "_Go Shiva!"_ while Kit had a pillowcase with the words "_Ifrit is the bomb *BOOOM!*" _scribbled on it. Mariko, confused as who she should cheer for, simply shouted out to them all.

And then chaos fell upon the land. 

Bahamut seemed to think the point was to smash Youjinbu's hat with the mallet. Valfor, unable to hold her croquet stick, went back to chewing on the football and then moved onto the tennis balls. Shiva, in the mass confusion, cast Diamond Dust upon the ground to coat the entire field in a thick layer of ice. The field was more like a hockey rink now. And Ifrit…

"WEEEE!" The giant fire elemental was gliding over the icy surface, swatting at anything that came near him. He hit the croquet ball into low orbit, absolutely crushed the ping pong balls, swung at flying basketballs, and even took a lob at Bahamut.

And then the explosion hit.

*********************************************************************

The ride to the hospital, if nothing else, was eventful. The EMS squad managed to get the girls wrapped up in bandages, but could do nothing for the 'irreversible brain trauma' they had apparently suffered. Kit was uncharacteristically silent, her voice MIA, and snarling like Anima on a _good_ day. Ten thought she was Mariko, and Mariko believed herself to be Valfor and spoke only in whistles.

They were quickly escorted into a room for treatment, but not before muzzling Kit and securing a straitjacket. It made her look more like Anima that one would have thought. A shaggy blond medical attendant entered the room, reading from his clipboard and looking over the trio from afar.

"Ok, so it seems you've suffered 'aeony injuries'. … Well, what seems to be the problem?" He asked, resting his knuckles on his hips.

"I'm her!" Ten pointed at Mariko, who was trying to fly.

Mariko gave a panicked whistle, and then fluttered her hands.

Kit simply leered. This caused the medical technician to take two steps back. He looked over the clipboard one more time, and then decided to call for help.

"Doctor! I could use your help in here!" His blue eyes blinked in confusion as Mariko began to roost on a chair in the corner. The doctor stepped into the room, her long, dark hair done up in many braids and fastened to her head in a bun. At the sight of her, Ten pointed and looked confused.

"You! You are who I used to be an alternate world version of before I became Mariko stuck in my body!" She sounded like she was on the verge of panic, and rambling on insanity's doorstep. Whatever possessed the girl to think she was her blond, shorter friend was far beyond the intern's comprehension, but the busty doctor came up and whispered something to the patient. There was a brief pause, and then a slow, lazy smirk spread over Ten's face. "I'm cured!" She cheered.

Next was Mariko. "Nurse Ti~" The doctor began, but was interrupted.

"I'm not a nurse! I'm an intern!" The young man pouted. The solemn faced woman raised one eyebrow and ignored his comment. Kit twitched for a moment before falling back into snarling again.

"Please lift the… aeon's arm above her head." Directed the doctor, brushing a stray lock hair off her chest. The 'nurse', hesitated, but then lifted Mariko's arm over her head. And low and behold, Mariko was returned to her normal state of mind!

"Hey! I'm me again, and I had the weirdest dream! You were there!" She pointed to the doctor and then to Ten, "and you looked like her.". Then she faced the young intern guy, "And you, except you were a girl like her!" Her finger now jabbed at Kit. The girl probably would have snapped had she not been in a muzzle. Kit was still mute, and probably thinking she was Anima… or the Armageddon.

"I'm not her!" The male intern protested. "I'm a man!"

"He's my nurse." The doctor said, a smirk playing over her lips.

"I'm not a nurse!" He whined, raising one hand to his ruffled hair. For some reason, all the intern's whining and claiming not to be something began to cause Kit to twitch.

"I'm an intern! INTERN!" The medical technician tried demanding, not noticing the strange grin now spreading over Kit's face. Twitch. Twitchy twitch.

The girl's eyes brightened and her leer curled at the corners, turning into a full-blown 'homicidal grin'. "I'm an aeon! AEON!!" Kit howled, causing the intern to fall over. She began laughing like a sugar-high leprechaun. 

The doctor quickly looked over the laughing nutcase, and then turned to Ten and Mariko. "I'm sorry, but I can't find what's wrong with her." 

"Ah, that's ok. That's how Kit usually acts." Mariko dismissed. The doctor quickly flashed a concerned look to the insane girl, and then her intern, who was lying twitching on the floor.

Ten and Mariko linked arms with Kit and lifted her to her feet, still in the 'Hannibal' muzzle and straitjacket. "Well, thanks for the help! We'll be on our way now." Mariko tugged Kit towards the door. But they found the tall doctor was blocking their way.

"I'm sorry. After those injuries -- not to mean any offense -- it makes you all seem insane." The dark-haired doctor said apologetically. Kit went WEEEE. "Especially you." She pointed.

"Didja hear that, I'm an aeon!" Kit grinned.

"I … I didn't say that." The braided loops fell from the doctors head as she rubbed at a forming migraine. "You all know the routine… pack them up, and move them out, … Nurse." The blond grumbled.

**********************************************************

The doors of the asylum swung open and the white-haired guard nearly fell over from a hemorrhage as his eyes widened to impossible levels. For being dragged by the red-headed driver and a blond doctor were now _three_ girls. Two of which he never wanted to see again in his whole, blue life.

"Lionman!" Kit squeaked, smiling happily. "Kit missed Lionman! Kit home!" She shouted, disturbing several of the other inmates into crying. A few of the luckier ones managed to knock themselves unconscious on their fluffy, padded walls. Months of long term therapy were quickly undone in a matter of seconds.

"Ah, yes. Our home away from homicidal home." Ten sighed, leaning against 'Wan-chan'. The driver looked distrustful, even if her hands _were_ wrapped over her front in the jacket. Mariko looked out of place, hiding behind the male intern.

"Oh, insanity spread to 'nother?" The guard asked, looking at the blond newcomer. 

"I'm NOT CRAZY!" She yelled, then fell into another fit of shivering. "And I'm not Valfor, and I'm not an english strudel." She began to murmur to herself, reciting a sutra in a soothing manner.

The guard sighed. "Regular room waiting, floor was repainted while you gone." He informed them. Ten grinned, teeth glittering in the light, and marched off to their room.

"Mah, you'll like it here, Mariko! At 10, we get to see Kit attack her own reflection and then be sedated." Ten encouraged. Inside their jackets, all three waltzed into their room and shut the door behind them. Then they even managed to _lock_ the door, out of courtesy.

Silence reigned, broken only by the screams of, 'YER IT' and 'HIT ME!' The guard looked at the two men in the door. "We even tell Yuna this time? Yuna worry." The blue furred guard asked.

"No. Yevon no! Last time she tried to stop those aeons,… and the maniacs, she was forced to do the chicken dance around the Calm Lands by them, ya!" The driver protested.

"Yuna needs a break. Maybe she should be an accountant." The blond intern suggested. The looks he got in return quickly silenced him, in fear he'd end up in a straitjacket too. "Or not."

***********************************************

"Shiva?"

"….."

"You aren't still mad, are you?"

"…!!!…"

"I told you I was sorry. Even the Ifrit is sorry."

"…. Bahamut… if my hair doesn't grow back… you are going to be the first dragon to sing in a soprano."

"She's still mad! Cancel the cake and apology song!" Bahamut quickly scuttled off. Perhaps this would be the _last _time the aeons left their realm uncalled for and played human games… or perhaps not. (After all, the stupid author forgot to write Rikku in… but I digress).

THE END (WEEEE!)


	4. Hide 'N' Seek

**Updated: 10/9/07**

**Seriously.**

**And sorry for the wait! Now the trilogy/quadrilogy is done!**

**P.S…. not really. It will just be moving to comic form **

**Onwards!**

** Kit**

In the land of Spira, insane and dead leaders lead the people into their continuous spiral of death. Leaders, unsent and corrupted lead the people of Yevon further into lies. Even their summoner's savior, lady Yunalesca was insane, twisted with years of death. There was only one thing to do to stop the encroaching madness from Spira …

-----------------------------------------

"I RESENT THIS!" A voice howled in the asylum.

"AS DO WE!" A shrill voice screamed.

"BANANAS!" Another female voice chimed in, sounding more happy than furious.

"VERILY!" Someone voiced, two more female giggled afterwards.

Rubber padded walls did little to damped the sheer volume to the screaming. The insane one-time Vegas card dealer, Kit, and her two friends who also were infected with aeon insanity sat in their shared room, all three of them wrapped in straitjackets. Kit had been the first of many casualties to the aeon madness. Her pastimes now included drawing intricate murals on the wall … using her toes. Currently she was drawing the story of the 'Little Redish Ifrit and the three other aeons.' Hey, she's insane. Her ideas are NEVER good.

Ten had received the insanity sentence after freeing Kit from the asylum. The aeons had appeared, held a game of tag, and utterly broke her mind in the process. Now Ten spent her days taking Kit's chalk and laughing at her misfortune. Or anything else for that matter. Right now, she was laughing at a piece of lint.

Mariko was the third to be infected with insanity, after wandering onto a terrible event of aeon Olympics. At first she had held out against the onslaught, but then even her human mind snapped under the pressure and there were occasions Mariko believed herself to be the aeon Valefor. Her past times involved attempting to fly… unsuccessfully.

Recently, the trio of madwomen had received unexpected company. The room on the right side of them was now occupied. Occupied with a person who was just as insane as they were, to their surprise. And if there was one thing the trio was good at, it was causing more insanity.

"Excuse me? Neighbor?" Mariko stood, looking out the bars into the hall. "Could you hold the yelling down. It makes Kit… irritable."

"Penguin fruit!" The girl in question agreed.

Their neighbor's head leaned into the hall, looking at Mariko. "I want freedom! I am a maester of Spira! I have been falsely imprisoned." His blue hair stood at such angles, it was almost as if the man had tried to drown himself in hairspray. Indeed, Mariko felt the urge to throw him a lifering.. . and a good pair of pants. "I shall become the final aeon, and then the next Sin!"

Kit burst into a twitching fit at the word 'aeon'. Ten then tackled her and sat on the girl. "NO! NOT THE 'A' WORD!" She shouted, temporarily silencing their neighbors. "The 'A' word brings only doom… and the occasional mis-adventure."

Trying to be the good, though insane, neighbor again, Mariko leaned back into the hall. "So… who are you?" She asked.

There was silence and a slight scoff. "You do not know who I am?"

Ten got off Kit to yell out of their cell bars. "Nope. But can we name you 'Whitmore'? It sounds cool." She leered, flashing her teeth.

"I am wasting my time here speaking to the insane." The man sighed.

"If you haven't noticed… this is an asylum. And YOU are in here too. That tell you anything?" Ten sneered, making her way to the bars at the hall. She turned to look at him, and her jaw fell open. "Good lord! You've been savaged by angry hair stylists! And those split ends? It's the end of the world!" She shrieked. A four minute crying fit shook Ten as her neighbors now understood why these seemingly normal girls were in the insane asylum.

"I am Seymour Guado!" The man's voice was… strangely high pitched, and silky. "Maester of Spira!"

Mariko then smiled, "Hello 'moury! Welcome to cell block 'aeon'."

"The aeon!" Kit grinned, deranged. Ten leaned over and knocked her shoulder into Kit, sending her sprawling to the floor where she wouldn't cause any damage to anything/one.

Seymour, highly distrustful of his neighbors leaned back into his room. "This is a disgrace! I do not even know what power conjured me to this place of insanity!"

"Lionman probably did. Lionman… hehe!" Kit giggled from the floor. Ten and Mariko scooted further away.

"Yeah, Lionman. But probably not. He's just the warden. Personally… I blame Wan-chan, he probably drove you here. That bad, bad redhaired boy." Ten leered.

"Reality has no place here." Mariko said, suddenly sounding wise and sage. Her explanation, while fractured, made sense to all of their broken minds. Some other nut down the hall burst into laughter.

"If only I could summon the aeons!" Seymour shrieked. "I could free you from your pain and insanity of life." The girls rolled they eyes at him and pulled back into the room.

"I can call my puppy!" Kit squealed. Ten and Mariko looked utterly terrified and flinched as Kit screamed, "PUPPPPEEEEE!" Dolphins were put to shame by the tone.

Ten unflinched a few seconds later. "Kit… I'm not sure that's how you call them… but just to be safe, don't do it again."

"K!" Kit said, her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth.

Far away, the Ifrit suddenly jerked his attention away from the game of checkers he was playing with Youjimbu and twitched. "My puppy sense are tingling!" He announced.

"You have a 'puppy' sense?" Shiva looked up from braiding Valefor's mane. "What exactly does it sense?"

"Insanity!"

"Oh…" Shiva paused in her braiding, dropping the red hair. "Wait… NO! Not them!" She gasped.

"Insane blond!" Ifrit cheered. There was then a mad flurry of activity as the aeons tried to ward of the impending doom by human.

Bahamut was holding the Ifrit in a dangerous (for him) looking choke hold, trying to avoid the large black horns. "Last time we went to the cry of those crazy humans.,.. we shouldn't have to remind you again what happened." If you looked closely, that is was a dragon wince looks like.

"But… insane blond and Number girl and mini-Valefor." Ifrit sniffled.

Shiva pat him on the horns. "Dear, we have company, and it would be rude to leave." If you look closely, this is what an ice goddess wincing looks like.

"Yesss, visssiting." Anima nodded, one eye blazing with … well… it was probably insanity too. Everyone shuddered.

The Ifrit suddenly stiffened again, then whined, "But… Insane blond is calling."

"Not calling collect, I hope." Youjimbu adjusted his ridiculously large hat.

Then Valefor leaned forward and whistled. Bahamut turned to look at the winged aeon. "They are calling you too? Keh, don't tell me, your miniature is calling." Valefore tweeted in agreement.

Shiva, uncomfortable sitting next to Anima, rose to her feet. Anima's eye started bleeding again. Shiva flinched. "Then we shall go … liberate them."

"Again." Youjimbu moaned.

"YA! Insane Blonde! Puppi coming!" Ifrit bound happily across the checker board.

Youjimbu looked at the wrecked board and sighed, "Great. King me. I'll come too."

Bahamut shot to his feet as well, casting Anima a wary glance. "I too, shall come." Anything to get away from the creepy pain aeon basically. It wasn't the fact that Anima was too deranged… Ifrit was pretty damn deranged too. It was the fact that Anima would stare creepily with one blazing eye either. Watching you. Like one of those paintings who's eyes move to follow you. All while grinning. And that one creepy eye… The eye….

"And further more… she has bad hair!" Seymour continued to vent venomously at the trio of roommates. Kit burst into tears. "Not her! … her hair is… mediocre. I am speaking of you!" Seymour glared at Mariko. Kit's hair was like a strange parody of Seymour's, while Mariko had normal hair.

"HEY!" Mariko shouted back indignantly.

"Shhh! Or Lionman will come and shake the nut-bopping stick at us!" Kit hissed quietly. The room, surprisingly fell silent. But it wasn't because of what she had said as much as what was happening.

It was because a terribly familiar red void was glowing behind her. Shooting out like a flaming doom comet, Ifrit bowled into Kit and they both went tumbling across the rubber room. Next came Shiva, and the icy aeon looked back at the void and sighed in relief. Bahamut burst from the portal followed by Valefor, who landed nimbly next to Mariko and chirruped.

"Yaaa! Doom puppies!" Kit cheered, upside-down and her straitjacket caught on Ifrit's horns.

"What? Doom puppies? What is going on in there?" Seymour was trying to look into their cell from the edge of his.

But it would seem that the portal the aeons came from had one more passenger. The red void flexed outwards as something HUGE began to come through. As Anima's head broke into the room, all three girls (and the aeons) began screaming.

"AHHH! DEATH PUPPY! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Kit suddenly shrieked.

"Oh my YEVON! It's hideous!" Ten recoiled, hiding behind Shiva. There was four minutes of uninterrupted, terrified screaming from the human.

Mariko said nothing, but broke into a tweeting fit and attempted to 'fly' behind Valefor to hide. Valefor was equally as frightened and would have burst into a fit of molting if she could have.

Regardless of what the other aeons and humans were screaming about, Anima stepped into the room fully, now making the cell very cramped. Bahamut grunted as he was shoved, and accidentally broke through the door to the cell. Youjimbu followed his suit and fell out of the room as well, his dog tumbling head over tail.

And during the insanity of it all, Seymour's voice, small and confused, spoke up. "Mommy?"

"'Moury? Did you hit your head? I'm pretty sure that aeon isn't named 'Mommy'." Ten was pressed against the wall as far from the pain aeon as she could get.

"Death Puppy." Kit hissed, her eyes wide in fear. She had used Ifrit's horns to tear down her bindings and was now sitting on his back like he was a horse. A horse with horns. A horse with horns and a tendency to set things on fire. And the rider was wearing a sock puppet. So basically, don't try to imagine it, because it will just hurt your brain.

"Seymour!" Anima sudden smiled. Ten passed out from the shock and Mariko tried to molt. The aeons flung themselves backwards as Anima advanced on Seymour's cell.

"Mommy! Everyone was mean to me and they… they killed me! Several times even!" Seymour cried. The large pain aeon would have reached out to pat her son's head if she wasn't in a chain straitjacket.

"Mommy aeon?" Kit said, then burst into a shuddering fit. "I am the crier of doom! DOOM, I say!" Anima pushed on the bars to Seymours cell, crashing the door open. Seymour flung himself on his 'mother-aeon' and bawled. Bahamut looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"Yes yes, family reunion and insanity get together. Nice nice, but we shouldn't stay here any longer. Since we have remodeled the place and all." Youjimbu pulled his dog from the rubble and began dusting it off.

Mariko suddenly dashed up onto a table in the hall and gave a tweet. Bahamut turned just in time to see the human throw herself… at the floor. Another attempt at flying: Failed. The dragon-king's tail had caught the mini-valefor before she could leave faceprints in the ground. "Nice to see the system of recovering human minds works so well." Bahamut grumbled.

"Wanna play hide'n'seek?" Kit leaned over the top of Ifrit's horns, looking at him upside down. "We can hide from Lionman too." Ifrit's response was a large, crazy grin.

Ten's eyes bugged open and she lunged at Shiva, but missed and ended up flattening Youjimbu's dog. "Please, make it stop. Please, make it stop." She whimpered, as she watched the aeon and insane girl cackle madly. From Bahamut's head, Mariko chirped in agreement.

"I think it is a fantastic idea to unwind." Seymour said smoothly, exiting his cell as well. "And to the winner goes freedom!" Now, you would think that someone would be suspicious of his suddenly calm demeanor… but then again, everyone one in the room was either insane or babysitting the insane.

"How do you win at hide n'go seek?" Shiva asked. "It's just one person seeking all the others. So the seeker can never loose."

Ifrit and Kit, both thinking on this far too heavily to be normal, were silent. Ten, attempting to smuggle herself out of the asylum under Youjimbu's hat finally piped up. "What if we have the winner as the last group who is spotted by another. So we all hide, and those who want to seek, can seek."

"What if we all end up hiding?" Bahamut wanted nothing more than to 'hide' back in their pocket world. Away from the insane humans, the craziness of the other aeons, and Anima.

"Then I'm gonna find ya and bite yer tail!" Kit announced, grinning crazily.

Shiva, the 'elected' rule maker, then pulled her thoughts together and summarized. "So, we are all to scatter to the four winds, and then upon our own decision, either seek out and ambush the others to steal their victory. Sounds more like a savage war game than…" The icy aeon paused, her eyes darting to each of the other aeons. Then to each of the humans.

"Where is Anima?" She more stated than asked. Valefor whipped her head around in confusion.

"And Moury is gone." Ten noticed. How the giant, creepy looking aeon managed to vanish, along with the peacock of a man, was far beyond her.

Mariko, still perched on Bahamut's head, gave a shrill tweet and pointed to an open door. Leading outside.

"He's got a head start! Lets get him!" Kit cheered, jumping off Ifrit and running from the asylum cackling like… well… an insane maniac. "I'm going to bite you, Moury!" Was heard yelled as she dashed off. Ifrit gave several panicked steps before bolting after her, half afraid of being left out of the chaos.

"So…" Ten blinked. Then climbed out from under Youbimbu's hat and grinned at Shiva. "Last one to be found." She then made a mad dash for the door… with Youjimbu's dog.

"HEY!" The bodyguard summon bolted after her. "Bring Fluffy back!… And my wallet! Don't think I didn't noticed you had it!" Shiva smiled at Bahamut, and the followed, leaving a frosted path along the ground.

Tipping forward to look at Valefor, Mariko gave a solemn whistle. Bahamut gave a long sigh of self-suffering. "Summoners have mercy. The insane are running the show." Both Valefor and her mini-me seemed to give a trilling laugh.

Two minutes later, the warden came back carrying a sack of duct tape. It keeps the insane busy. "Ok, here is …" He quickly lead off, looking at the destruction and waste that seemed to lead outside. "Kimahri not even try, anymore." He sighed.

The aeons split into groups to find Seymour and Anima before any damage could be caused. Seriously. That taxi driver didn't count. Neither did the first bus stop. And… well, I'll stop right there cause it got worse. The unwritten rule was the last one to be 'discovered' would win. And all of them knew Seymour would be an easy target.

There was only rubble where a building had been, and Kit was offended. "I can't believe it! I actually liked that greasy pizza pit!" Kit shouted from atop Ifrit's back, holding his horns like reins. "It was so greasy, if you put a napkin on that pizza, the napkin would turn SEE-THRU!" She told the Ifrit. "And then it would burst into FIRE!"

"OOOHH!"

"Yeah, I liked it too. But we should stop them." Kit announced, seeming sane for the first time in almost a year.…

"For great justice?"

"Yep… And because I want to throw my foot at 'Moury's butt for leaving us behind like that!" Kit suddenly added with no warning. Ifrit only nodded sagely.

Ifrit sniffed at the ground like a large bloodhound, trying to get the scent of the pain aeon. Then he lifted one large paw and pointed with his nose. "Smell of misfortune on others! This way!"

"What does that smell like, anyway?"

"Like high school." Ifrit snorted.

"… ooh, so it does!" Kit couldn't see it any other way. "Lets go! Hi-Ho Fire-Puppy, Awaaaay!" And then they went loping off, leaving giant burning potholes behind them.

Unlike the spreading insanity of Kit and Ifrit, Ten had both Shiva and Youjimbu to sooth her fractured mine. That, and Shiva's mysterious cleavage helped. Ten stared into space for four minutes, unable to be roused from it by any means. When she came too, she found Youjimbu was toting her along like a piece of luggage.

"If I were a insane nutcase bent on the destruction of the living world… where would I go? Besides to get some tacos first." Ten mock-pondered as they looked over the ruins of a Taco Bell. While the destruction from Anima and Seymour fanned out miles in all directions, the easiest way to find them was to follow the burning billboards of the happy consumerism.

Youjimbu had Ten on his back as they traveled. Pushing his hat back down as the human bumped into it, the aeon grumped, "I don't see how Anima and Seymour could have done all this destruction in such a short time. He was only free for two minutes before we noticed."

"He's insane. See, this one time, Kit got out of her strait jacket during dinner, and managed to steal all the plastic butter knives and put them in her hair like… well… Fire Puppy horns. It took her twelve seconds to gather all the knives up… then she started on sporks and no one noticed until then."

"For the love of me…" Shiva shook he head as Ten told her story.

"My point is… the insane are gifted with super abilities." The human said solemnly.

Youjimbu didn't want to ask, but he had to know. "So what is your super ability?"

Ten only leered.

Mariko wobbled unsteadily on her perch and gave a solemn trill. "Well… thanks for looking… you can come down now." Bahamut looked up at the girl sitting on top of a telephone pole. The 'mini-Valefor' had yet to return to her normal state of mind. The real Valefor didn't seem to mind having a twin tailing her, but it was beginning to make the Dragon God regret coming to the mortal world. Just like last time.

"Come down before you break your skull like a ripe melon." Bahamut snorted again. Mariko tweeted… and then dove from the pole headfirst. Wings flailing in panic, the real Valefor barely managed to catch her 'double' before Mariko became a meat pancake.

"You seem to have a death wish, human! You don't have wings!" Bahamut lifted Mariko from Valefor's grip and scolded her.

"Tweeeee!" The blond chirrped.

"Chirrr!" Valefor agreed.

"This will not end well." Bahamut sighed. Since Mariko refused to stop 'flying' into the ground, the dragon god had no choice but to put her on his head so the human could hold her arms out and 'fly' high in the air. Mariko was now being carried around like a small dragon hat.

"I need an aspirin." Bahamut flinched, a painful headache working on him. Sure, it was probably Mariko induced, since the human kept peeping insanely like a Valefor-chick.

Valefor fluttered just ahead of the Dragon god and whirled in mid-air to point at a small store that had escaped the destruction of Seymour and Anima.

"Twill twill!" Mariko tweeted, pointing at the store and explaining. "Chirr, peep, tweet-tweeta!"

Bahamut tossed his head back, adjusting his 'human hat'. "Yes, I can see it is a roller skate dinner, but why was it spared from Anima's wrath?"

Valefor landed beside Bahamut and cocked her head to the side. "Tweeelalalaa-laaaa!" She whistled beautifully.

"What?! In _this_ world?! I do not believe it! Filthy human minds!" Bahamut spat a fireball. Mariko nodded from the dragon-God's head, agreeing whole-heartedly with him. Then Mariko squinted, looking through the window into the restaurant.

"SQUAW!" She chirped in shock, and fell from Bahamut's head. Rolling down his back like a slide, she came to rest on the ground in a daze. "Chir-peep… 'Kweh'."

Both Bahamut and Valefor whipped around to stare into the window as well. Indeed, just as Mariko had said, if you couldn't already tell, was a Chocobo.

On Rollerskates. And wearing daisy duke pants. Or non-pants, as Kit called them.

Valefor gave a flat whistle and looked ill. Indeed, pants of those nature had no place on a Chocobo. Or on a normal person, for that matter.

"Great. I suppose we will have to go ask if they have seen an insane dictator and his 'mommy' then." Bahamut lifted Mariko back to his head and they made their way to the roller diner. "Let us hope they sell aspirin."

A giant dragon with a human hat followed by a bird in a braid should have been enough to make jaws drop, forks fall on the floor, and roller skating waitresses have panic attacks. But the only waitress in the late night dinner skated forwards without noticing. Her blond hair was put up off her neck with many pins and clips and she reading some sort of letter. "Welcome to Cid's Roll and Dine. I'm Rikku and I'll be your… BAHAMUT!?"

Mariko gave a flat whistle, but looked amused. Bahamut snorted. "Indeed. I do not see how you can be my Bahamut if I am Bahamut-himself. … unless that is some sort of odd human slang term…" The Dragon God pondered this.

Both Mariko and Valefor suddenly burst into shrill chirping fits, gesturing at the only other patrons in the restaurant. Seymour Guado and his 'mommy' Anima were sitting by the jukebox, flipping through the menu casually. Well, not Anima. She was staring at the menu, and if the paper had a choice it would have spontaneously combusted under the gaze.

"Aha! So this is where you have secluded yourself!" Bahamut advanced on the aeon and son team. "You have lost. Now you return to your cell and we can all have sanity."

"Peep?" Mariko asked.

"Well, maybe not you, but we can work on that." The dragon quickly self-corrected.

Seymour seemed unaffected, still glancing over the menu. "Do you mind? I have not eaten a meal aside from what they pass off as edible in that insane cage in so long. Half in thanks to Perky over there." Seymour tossed his head back, gesturing at Rikku.

For some reason, Rikku could wear daisy dukes, strip in front of half of her pilgrimage group, flirt like a tramp and try to give Yuna fashion advice. But by GOD, if you give her an embarrassing nickname, you would pay. Just ask Brother shortly after he… well, that's another story.

The sudden and overwhelming sense of danger took the aeons and humans (well, more like human and a half) by surprise. "What. Did. You. Call. Me?" Rikku grit out. She had pulled out a grenade from somewhere as well. Now it would be fair to call Seymour an insane maniac, maybe even as crazy as a maniacal maniac. But that tiny sparky of self preservation kicked in at that moment.

"I called you Perky. Are you going deaf as well?" Only to be extinguished a second later by said insanity.

Bahamut grimaced. This would not end well.

Youjimbu suddenly knew how the Ifrit and Bahamut felt. Ten was now sitting on his head, squashing it quite flat in the process. The human's reasoning was 'you broke my mind, I break your hat', and he couldn't deny that indeed… her mind was broken. They had not seen a single sign of any of the other aeons yet, but were sure they were getting close to finding Seymour.

"I'm thinking he's slowing down." Ten smiled. Then came the four minutes of random, uncontrollable laughter. We aren't quite sure why. Chock it up to insanity.

"How can you even know that. There is destruction all around us." Youjimbu tried to look up at the girl on his hat, but sent her tumbling off the back of the huge hat.

Shiva pondered this as Ten tried to get revenge on Youjimbu... but mostly failed to get revenge on him due to the insane uncontrollable laughter. "She's right. When we first started following the trail, he obliterated everything around him. Then only the things that were sub-standard eateries. Now… he is barely managing to finish off that ice cream kiosk."

Ten gave the bodyguard aeon one giggle before breaking out of her lapse into insanity. You should think that laughing at someone who could probably deal somewhere between 1 and 9999 damage to her with gil was a baaad idea. Luck would have it, that he was current broke though. And that's what you get for betting on chocobo races.

"Maybe he's getting full. And gassy." Ten sat heavily on Youjimbu's dog, who was promptly flattened to the ground with a breathless 'wuf'.

"For the last time, you maniac, the dog is not a chair!" Youjimbu lifted Ten by the back of the shirt off his dog.

"Actually, I'm sure this is the first time you've told me that."

"Then for the first and last time, stop sitting on the dog."

Shiva flipped a strand of hair back. "You are aware, the second your back is turned, she will cackle madly and promptly do something worse than just sitting on the hound." And to prove the point, Ten promptly sat on Youjimbu's dog again. But this time, she did it out of spite and insane glee.

"Hey! I think I see Bahamut!" Ten suddenly leapt off Youjimbu's dog. She pointed to a building ahead "Either that, or it's Godzilla wearing a Mariko Hat." Indeed, inside of the roller diner was Bahamat –Lord of all Dragons. And he was enjoying a milkshake. So was the Mariko Hat.

Without a pause, Ten dashed at the door, threw it open and stood in a victorious 'AH HA!' pose. Shiva leaned into the door, not quite sure what to expect.

And she got it.

Anima and Bahamut were sitting rather quietly, watching as Seymour and Rikku had a screaming fit. Seymour seemed to be winning. By sheer volume alone. A chocobo and Valefor were off to the side, each of them pecking buttons on the jukebox. The Mariko Hat was quite pleased with her milkshake.

The bell above the diner door chimed softly, and the waitress turned and belted out in anger, "HI, WELCOME TO… OMG! SHIVA!" Rikku entered phase two of shock. That's right. The blond was silent.

Ten had a blissful smile on her face. "Wow! They named this place 'OMG Shiva'! Just like in my dreams…" She petered off, lost in a blissful world where up was down, left was right, and the lights were all twinkly.

"I believe we found you, Bahamut." Shiva smiled politely. Youjimbu barged passed her and went to go stab Seymour with some sort of pointy device. He wasn't picky. A fork would work. However Ten was still standing in place, lost in her strange world and the bodyguard bowled right into her. Tripping over the human, Youjimbu's hat flew up at landed on Anima's head. Thankfully, this covered the overall creepy face of aeon 'Mommy' so no one was too displeased.

Except Ten. Who was flattened.

And Youjimbu looked like he wanted his hat back.

And Rikku? She was wondering what the heck was going on.

"I believe we win our freedom." Shiva gloated. Bahamut still hadn't answered. Perhaps it was out of sheer stubbornness that he did not answer. But most likely it was because Rikku and Seymour's screaming fight had deafened him.

Anima didn't look disturbed with this until Seymour started yelling again. "NO! I refuse to accept this! You only win if you find me? What if you can't find enough pieces of yourselves?!" This rant should have been accompanied by a round of diabolical laughter. However Seymour was too busy having Anima charge up a spell. So Ten did the diabolical laughter for him. For the next five minutes.

"Someone stop that Aeon! And her little boy too!" Bahamut leapt to his feet.

Five aeons set off overdrives at that moment. Four humans (well, 3 and a half) meanwhile, were suddenly wondering why they thought this was a good idea in the first place...

Rikku waved her hands at Yuna, tears running down her face as she pantomimed what happened. "They came…. .they came and… everyone blew up! Yunie! They BLEW up!" Rikku cried.

Yuna nodded and made a few 'uh-huh's in the appropriate places. "And Yunie! The Aeons… they… they carried these… laughing things with them. So much… laughing…" Rikku shivered. And then froze and stared off into space.

"Did you catch any of that?" Auron asked.

"Not really. But I can guess that the aeons and the Maniacal Maniac girls were here." Yuna carefully led Rikku along.

"How can you know that if they aren't here anymore?" Tidus leaned into what was left of the roller diner.

"… do I really have to explain it to you?" The building seemed to have suffered the same fate as a casino… so long ago… Sitting in the rubble, but entirely unhurt were Mariko, Ten, and the now gibbering Seymour. Why was Seymour gibbering? Because his mother exploded. Or something. Ten and Mariko were in the same state as Rikku: Catatonic.

"Wait… nothing has been burnt." Auron examined the rubble carefully.

Yuna thought this over very carefully, and then came to an alarming conclusion. "Where is the Ifrit?"

"Puppy." Kit cried. "I think we're lost." Around them, cows mooed uncertainly as an aeon and a girl wearing a torn straight jacket stumbled through a field.

Ifrit looked sadly around. There was no other aeon in sight at all. Unless they were hiding under that cow? … but no. There was nothing under the cow but grass, and now the cow had fallen over.

Now, if they had any common sense at all (which by now it was safe to say they don't) they may have been able to track the other aeons by the destruction Seymour left in his wake. They may have even noticed the giant mushroom cloud that originated where a certain roller diner used to be. But instead, what happened to the crazy duo?

"What did happen? Last thing I remember was that ice cream." Kit pondered. Ifrit groaned, nursing an ice cream hang over. "Wait…" Kit paused. Something was coming to her.

Was it common sense?

Was it sanity?

Could it even be a clue?!

"Hey! Lets go start a puppet show theater!" She said happily. "I always wanted to do that!"

And so! The two went off to start Crazy Blond and Fire Puppy's Sock Puppet Masterpiece Theater!

"I'm not insane!"

"I know you aren't. But …" Yuna lead off.

"Really! I'm not insane! I can prove it! Watch!" At this point, the person in the straight jacket broke into interpretive dance. "No wait… I was supposed to escape from this… let me try again." The dancing continued. Ten and Mariko gave the dancer an standing ovation in their own straight jackets… with no hands… so… basically they just stood.

"Rikku, don't worry! We'll have you cured in no time! We'll just have to be extra careful about mentioning aeons around…" Yuna quickly bit her tongue.

"AEONS?!" Rikku yelped, and then dropped into the corner of the room, shivering. "No. No aeons. No aeons for me. I'm just a moogle. Kupo. See. No aeons. Kupo." She trembled.

"Mommy!" Seymour cried next door.

"GROW UP, EMO BOY!" Rikku suddenly belted out.

Ten smiled quite happily. "I love dis place. Wait… didn't we used to have a different blond roommate?" She turned to look at Mariko. Mariko shrugged and chirped.


End file.
